cuti...

hurm...aku x tau nk ckp cuti kali nie bes ke x...well...first thing yg aku bwat bile da cuti was packed things untuk g kem 2 hari 3 mlm tuh...den lps balik dri kem aku byk kuar mkn mlm...first kat 'asampedas' then kat 'sup adabi' then lastly kat 'burger king'...mmg kirenye tmpt tuh sume mkn sedap2 la...wlupun ms tuh aku tgh sakit an tapi tetap rs kesedapan makanan tuh...so mmg sedap la kirenye...sejak kuar mkn kat 'burger king' tuh aku da x kuar2 dah...except ms nk cri brg hantaran along...n aku duk rumah bwat nothing...bosan tahap cipan tol...skunk nie pown tgh bosan so tulis ngarut2 kat blog nieyh...hurm...

summer camp???

ok lets start with yesterday's story; sorry bout this coz yesterday i had no mood to post anything... well it seems to me that yesterday reminded me a lot of the summer camp i went last sunday... first, the song sang by saleem entitled 'suci dalam debu' was heard through the number one radio in malaysia,era of course...why it reminds me of summer camp?well one of the song i learnt there entitled 'azam yang suci' used 'suci dalam debu's soundtrack to liven it...and its one of the most touching songs i have ever sang in my life... second, that night when my parents and i went out for dinner at burger king using along's car we heard another song that i have learnt which is '5 cinta'...then third, we heard another song that my group,kasih 5, performed the day before the programme ended which is 'sing children of the world'...

brubah ke x???

cam x brubah pown...mksd aku diri aku la...cme aku rs aku x mudah naik angin je skrg...n bgn pagi pun da cpt skit...hehehe...ok la tu kan...kt bukannye boleh berubah mendadak...slow n steady r...tp...nmpknye bibit2 kemarahan mak sudah mule muncul...nie yg aku xnk nie...aku tau...klu leh mak nk aku brubah trus lepas blk kem tuh...aku pun mmg nk brubah...tp xd la hundred percent immediately lps blk kem tu kan...x larat la aku...x mampu aku lakukannye...maybe aku xkn dpt capai expectation mak n abah hundred percent but i'll do it bit by bit...

boredom, when will u end...

i'm feeling totally bored rite now...this boredom has now lasts for 2 days...ouh i wish this boredom would end...no...!i should end this boredom with my own hands...!there are lots of things that i could do to fill up my time but i didnt do it...urghh...really...!i must change!hey miaka...!u must change!dont waste your precious time fooling around and do nothing, pondering when will this boredom would end...no...!!!u must do something yourself...!dont waste your holiday lazing around in the house...!come on miaka!wake up!!!get up now!!!pull yourself together!!!wake up...!!!

da blk...

helo...aku bru blk mlm td...ngantok sgt2...ye la mane x ngantok,aku tdo 2 jam lebih je last day kat sane...group aku slalu lmbt tdo...bes la gak an...aku xnk ckp pe2 psl kem tuh...yg tu biar la antra aku ngan bdk2 kem tuh...huhu...

kem...

hurm...nie post last sblm aku pegi kem slame 3 hari...hurm...nk ckp pe eh??? ntah r... well kt tgk je la nnti aku brbh ke x lps g kem tuh...

who am i to them???

today we went home really late because we missed d first bus...we kinda waited 4 hours...and she was going crazy like heaven...i just stayed cool coz i was not in a mood 2 feel anything...i got out of d bus around 5 and i just got dressed simply n went to zati's house...yana didnt come coz it's too late...n d moment i arrived my frens had gone home...farisa said sop when home coz his gf wasn't going to come...so he went home with bal n syed...n i went to zati's home alone...like a stranger who just lost his way...i'm angry wif those 3...especially sop...he came coz he thought his gf would come n when he found out that she isnt comin he just left like that...he doesnt even cared 4 his frens(which was me who came late) not that i want him to wait me and see him but it proven with his action that he never care-less bout other people except his gf...he talked to me just when he needed to know what happen to his gf...my god...!he's using me again...!!!he's using me to get info bout his gf...!!!i just thought dat i could befrens with him again like usual...but it seems it just would work out with his selfish attitude...!!!now i seriously think dat i cant get along with him if he still like dat...really...n yea 1 more thing...bout bal...he didnt even asked me anything...why i was late...weather if i come or not...or even inform me he had to go home coz it was late...he said nothing...!!! na'a...i was thinking ' why is he like this???am i not HIS fren???arent he worried???' i mean pls...!does he really thinks i'm his fren...or he just take my frenship for granted??? tolonglah...! aku btl2 x thn la ngan keadaan cam nieh...bg aku frenship 2 sumting big au...sumting serious...sumting that MUST NOT be taken for granted...!!! i'm really fedup with his care-less-attitude...! he never takes this frenship thing seriously...he just take it for granted...thats not d kind of frenship i want or gave to others... no...!

bad mud...

hari nie aku bad mud gler2...aku bengang sgt ble aku da wat open house n dorg plak nk merosakkan mud aku yg sibuk menyediakan things ntk open house tuh...n i truly know how u feel yana...aku paham sgt2...baygkan aku in d process siapkan sume2 tuh n titibe dorg x jd nk dtg sbb hujan...i mean 'excuse me! aela...! rmh dorg dkt jer... laen la rmh dorg berbatu2 jauh aku x heran!' nie dkt pown x nk dtg...pe susah, tnggu je la hujan berhenti...payung mcm la xd...pastu boleh lak bal kt kat aku dlm hp ' wat esok r...' aku mcm 'what the heck is he talking about??!!aku da siapkan sume2 n die nk aku wat esok je la?! no way!' aku x kira die kna dtg gak...!sop lak lg satu mslh...!die lmbt sbb pe???TERTIDUR... pls take note ok...DIE TERTIDUR...! urghh!!! my goodness...! die tau hari nie aku wat open house die leh tertido...?nmpk sgt die amik remeh bende nie...sng2 xyah dtg...!geram aku la...!!! merosakkan mud aku jer!!!da la mud aku da dirosakkan oleh dak due ekor tuh...N... tmbh2 lagi bal x gtau aku yg die da nk couple...aku grm!!! mrh sgt2!!! bukan sbb die nk couple ngan dak ntah mne aku x knl...bkn la nk kt aku jeles...tp die x bgtau aku pown...!!!tu yg aku grm sgt2!!!n ble x t'bngkar pown die x nk cter ngan aku!!!aku nk tau...!!!eeee bal nie jahat tau...!!!same je ngan sop tu!!!mmg padan la jd kwn dorg tuh!!!

perang idea...

hurm...mane nk mule eh...?ok r memandangkan aku da bg tajuk dier perang idea, aku cter psl tu dlu...sbenarnye cmni...ms aku n mas nk g bli fail dier komplen yg aku nie da brubh la mcm2 r lakan...so smpai kat klas ktorg smbng blk...n kebanyakannye psl hubungan ktorg yg cam d kekosongan skit nie r...tp mostly perang psl idea die psl farhan n idea aku psl azim...mmg ssh btl nk lawan ckp ngan die nieh...penat aku memerah otak memikirkan idea n menyusun ayat2 power...seboleh2nye aku try wat die lupekan dendam mgarut die psl farhan tuh...die lak argue psl aku cmne aku benci dak azim tuh...mslhnye...die x tau yg aku da x benci die n aku da siap apology lg...so zati klu ko bc nie ko tau r aku d mintak maaf ngan azim...mmg x sngka r aku leh wat cmtuh kan...ayat tu kuar titibe...well die pown terkejut gak ble aku ckp sori psl pe aku wat kat die kan n aku pown cam ssh nk caye aku mintak maaf kat dak yg cam taboo bg aku...hmm pjg tul kan...n akhirnye mas pown trime nasihat aku n maafkan farhan n janji x try to forget the dendam...n last skali jamuan klas...mmg syox!!! wlupun game x brape successful tp mmg bes gler r...ble nyanyi lagu hepy bday tuh mmg smngt gler2 n so aku assume mmg sume org puas ati(or maybe x sume)...tp yg aku grm gler2 is ngan 'fran...' tuh...die x byr duit...n die dtg party...n die mkn lg dgn muke temboknye...N DIE X TLG SKIT POWN...aku GERAM GLER2 psl tuh...n lg stu die dgn slambe nye ngaku kat cikgu yg DIE DA BYR DUIT KLAS...like DUH!!! WHAT THE HECK IS SHE THINKING??!! MMG MUKE TEMBOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grm...

aku geram...geram...geram ngan dak dua rang tuh...geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram geram x1000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tralalas...

it has been a while since i last chat in ICQ...i'm longing to chat again...but...i forgot the address so i think and i think and i think and i think....until 'pop'!i remembered back the name of the chatting place...ICQ...so i chat again and got few addresses from god-knows-who...and i added them on my msn...so now my list of 'other contacts' has increased by 10 people...one of them was a korean girl...i already have a swedish and american friends...and now a korean friend...and 3 unknown ids...eh no...2 unknown ids...ok that's all...actually i'm bored...nothing good to say...

life...

life is a complex thing...life without problems and obstacles are no more than an empty shell...those are essential to colour one's life...pain and suffering, joy and happiness...those things are facts of life...no one can change that...life is dull without them...enduring pain and overcoming obstacles makes a person tougher than before and matured oneself...those what makes a person, person...if a life is a never-ending-happiness type, what's the point pain created for this world...if one's life is joyful and no worries, what's the point suffering is sent upon human's life...all those soul-killing things will grow a person into a stronger being inside out...all the life-experienced would make someone more matured mentally and emotionally...happiness is bestowed upon human lives as an achivement and victory after overcoming the storm of sadness, waves-crashing pain and heart-throbbing suffering...happiness is like a light that would shine after a disastrous hurricane...that would change one's life forever...you live only for today...not for yesterday which has gone and had became a past...and not for tomorrow which you never know wether it comes or what will happen...you just live for today alone and today only, pronto! so live your everyday-life to the fullest and make the best out of it...do as many deed that you can, fulfill your prayers to the highest peak of concentration, make the most happiness out of the people around you and achieve as many dreams as you can...

today...

the past couple of days, he didn't came to school but today he did...i didn't get to talked to him...not that i don't want to but judging from the awkward situation; someone who i nearly like but i don't like anymore, i didn't even said hi...it seemed to me that he was avoiding me...all the times that i saw him were mostly his back...i never had a chance to even made eye contact with him...well maybe i'm just thinking too much...well that's normal i guess...i'm always like that so i'm not surprised...the feelings that i feel towards him are the same i feel towards wan...if i miss seeing him as if i miss seeing wan...if i'm happy because of him as if i'm happy because of wan...i look at him the same way i look at wan...as a friend...people may judge him as a bad-natured and flirty guy...but to me he is a sweet, cute and considerate person...others never experienced the same moments that i did with him...i may have thought selfish things bout him but that don't change the fact that he is my friend...nobody can change my opinion bout someone because its my perspective of others...nothing that i think would be the same with other peoples' thought...don't judge a book by its cover they always say...this is one of them...to me he has the ability to make someone feel loved and wanted because he knows that people love attention... he has his good qualities as a friend...others also have their own good and bad qualities as my friends...its the moments i had with them that made each of my friends different from one another and special in their own way...

a new day...

today is a new day...i begin with no heart-feelings to anyone and being bright with full confidence, asking for forgiveness for what had i done the day before...one thing that i thought i could never done thousands years to come, something that for the first time my best friend told me that she is very proud with me, which was made an apology to the most ever-time-hated person i had with in my entire life...it came out of the blue, my words of apology...he looked confused and can't seemed to believe what was happening...i don't blame him...i don't expected it either...my friend can't seem to stop from smiling and feeling proud of my action...i smiled and felt warm inside because she never told me she was proud wih me before...ever...this is the first time and i just knew i could never been wrong to have chosen her as a friend who can lead me to the right path...i am proud of her the whole time and i'm proud being her friend...

alhamdulillah...

aku rasa semuanye akan berubah lepas hari ini... mmg mula2 aku rasakan kat sklah td aku xd feeling...aku rasa semacam ble sedar yg die x dtg...mmg aku akui td aku cam rs kosong...aku msh x brape jelas ngan perasaan aku sendiri...aku msh tercari2...keliru ngan mainan perasaan yg sedang bergelut dlm diri aku antara logik akal dan hawa nafsu...diri yg menagih perhatian dri ssorg yg sudi memberikan perhatian yg aku nak...namun aku sedar yg ramai x mungkin menyukai ape yg aku buat...n aku sdri pun klu ikut logik akal aku, aku x nk bende nie berlaku kan...sudah termaktub dalam hidup aku sekarang yg dengan jelasnye menyatakan bhw 'no feeling2 ok...!' tapi diri aku yg semmgnye sukekan perhatian yg diberikan inginkn perhatian tuh jd akibatnye hati aku hmpir2 trjebak dlm gamble yg x spatutnye...mmg aku rs kekosongan td kat sklh n aku berperangai pelik sehingga menimbulkan rasa risau dalam klngan rakan2 aku yg prihatin...yana, mas, jaja, chan, n jonathan(maybe d lg tp aku x prasan) dorg sume risau tgk aku td n aku rs bertuah ble dorg ambil berat ngan keadaan aku tp aku rs bersalah sbb wat dorg risau ngan keadaan aku yg x menentu...aku ms tuh stil dlm proses merungkai simpulan2 dlm kepale aku...tgh berfikir...tp bwk masalah pulak kat kwn2 aku...n rasa kekosongan tu telah membawa aku ntk join dak2 laki n meninggalkan kwn2 aku n x menghiraukan dorg...skrg ble da muhasabah blk aku rs bersalah sbb x mempedulikan dorg...aku mcm tuh start dri blk dri library time BI kna relieve smpai blk...x patut aku wat cm2...ok esok aku akan mintak maaf ngan dorg n ucap tq sbb risaukan aku...especially jaja n jonathan...jonathan la aku x sngka die pun akan risau ngan keadaan aku...n aku akan terangkan sumenye pd yana...ble blk rmh n check hp, aku tgk d miskol dri die...so aku miskol blk...n die kol jap gne tefon rmh...n ktorg saling bls bbrape msg...n ms tuh la aku sdr yg everything between me and him is going to change after today onwards...aku da yakin skrg ngan hati aku just sbb lps die anta msg ckp 'da la wei aku mls nak ckp ngan kau...'lps bc msg die tu seolah2 aku da dpt ketetapan hati aku...aku x rs grm ngan die sbb xnk hiraukan aku malah aku rs relief sangat...that's when i know that sumenye akan brubah slps hari nie...aku x perlu sukakan die hanye krn perhatian yg die berikan kat aku selama beberape bln yg lepas...aku bru start kwn ngan die thn nie...lgpun aku xleh terpesong drpd niat aku...bg aku dia nie sweet n cute but that doesn't mean i have to like him after he gave attention to me...bukan la aku memilih yg dak cam die xleh kna pilih dak yg pndai gler2...no!!! i'm not that type of person...lgpun kt stil blajar so x perlu terburu2...lgpown yana 4 sure xkn trime...n yg len2 pown...nie bru sorg je yg mmpu menggoncang hati batu aku x lg thn2 dpn bru thn nie aku jd hati batu da d yg mmpu m'goncangnye...ntk thn2 mendatang aku xkn cepat mengaku kalah...!!!

lalalala...

it has been 3 days since i last update my blog... but honestly it felt like days before i last update it...seems like i'm already addicted to write in my blog...hmm how should i start huh?what can i say bout my last 3 days hmm...well 3 days ago i went to my friend's house...the same routine continued until today...my granma was like a volcano about to erupt...well the cloud of dust already made the surrounding hazy...and i just runaway to save my life...of course safety first...!i mean what is wrong if i go to my friends' house anyway...?its not like i did something shameful or anything...man...this is really sucks...my life is like being hovered by flies each day...one fly is more than enough to irritate me...let alone thousands of them...my ears are going deaf hearing the sounds of those files' wings buzzing nonstop...i could blew off any second if i dont stay put...well its kinda boring to go to school...but its much2 boring to stay home and do nothing and hears to flies buzzing in my ears...

saturday evening...

today i fast, continuing the six-day-fast in syawal...today is my fifth day whereas my parents fast for their last day...well i skipped one day on thursday because i want to go to my friend's house... this evening, just now bal called me and asked to get out of my house for a while...well it hinted me that he was already outside,waiting...so i went out and found him waiting on a motor with his younger sister and brother on the motor...so i asked him what's up...and i was like beaming at him when he showed me naruto's cad in his hand...he asked me dont you want any? so i just opened the gate and took a look at the cards...and i was smiling all over again and choosed the coolest cards i want...so i took two...and gave him two ringgit...actually i was kind of afraid because one of my neighbours saw him talking to me...and i dont like the look on their faces...it was like i'm a bad kid who dates many guys and dont have good attitude...like i'm a spoilt child and do bad things behind my parents back...but i'm not like that...!he is just a friend...my best friend that is...so it is not wrong when he comes to see me for a reason(or for no reason)...he's just a friend...that's all...not like he was my special boyfriend or anything...the thing is i just dont like it they look at me 'that way'...well he came to tell me that his open house is not on the day after last school day...it's tomorrow...well tomorrow is going to be a busy day so i hope i can make it to his open house...

crisis...

yesterday me zati yana bal sop n syed went to farisa's house for hari raye... well me zati n yana arrive there quite early not like the others... they had something to do... so we help ourselves first... after all im hungry back then... urghhh what a boring story...!!! well most importantly i SAW everything that happen yesterday... but i dont knw why she didnt realise that... maybe she's just too shy n nervous to realise anything... well wateva... hmm actually im not really in d mood today... eventhough i seems fine at school just now... well maybe bcoz of my prob... now i hv nothing to keep frm her.... she knws my feelings now... all of them... i really didnt care if she take note or not... d reason i didnt tell her before is that i dont want to make she feel quilty... thats all... but i really dont care if she thinks bad of me... but it seems she didnt care to be angry... but she had acspected that it would happen like this... meaning that the incident will effect people especially me and the other one... so i guess she had prepared for it... i felt good now that she knows everything... even bout my new prob... hahaha... that new prob is really a puzzling one... well for me of course but maybe puzzling is not the rite word well i dont knw how to describe it... hehe... and it seems that 'the idea' had never cross her mind before so she really doesnt want me to get involve... well duh! even i dont want too... i really dont knw how it happen but i realised bout it JUST NOW... and thank goodness its not too troblesome yet... so me and her r praying for the best... well yeah me too...!

hmm...

yesterday i slept early... 8.45 pm i was already on my queen bed... snuggle myself wif 'kyo' the teddy bear... hehe... well wateva but i really was very tired and so i slept till 5 am the next day... life at school today was ok i guess... i got 2 papers today and the results were ok... everything looks fine until i got a phone call frm syed( an old fren who i never talked to before and of course not so close) he told me that he, bal n sop would wnt to raye(hehe xleh blah) at my house so i was like 'huh??? raye kat rmh aku???mmm ok je la...) so i said yes... i thought only 3 people BUT after that bal called me and said there were actually 18 people...!!! and i was totally shocked(of course)...! but i got ready anyway... and i asked for zati's help... and so they came... they filled up my living room and there was no space for me to fit in... so i just stand at the stairs watching them talking and laughing among themselves... i really dont knw what to do after served them drinks and cookies and shaked hands wif the girls who mostly i dont know... so i just watch them like a play being act just especially for me... after they're gone i called bal to talked to him... well its been a long time since i last called him so its a good reason for me to call him then... so we talked like usual... and its quite nice a feeling to talk to him again like frens should be... hmm tomorrow we will burst into farisa's house... if everyone gives green light that is...